Forget Me Not
by Chiikara
Summary: CHALLENGE REC, ZackCloud, ratings range! 30 kisses collection. 23 out of 30 completed so far.
1. Challenge 1: look over here

Cloud sat on the edge of the bathroom sink, looking down at himself with a wince while Zack cleansed the area around his arm. Petty fights were common, and this hadn't been the first time other recruits had targeted him, but pain was pain, no matter how often you felt it.

There were several bad scrapes, nothing he couldn't handle, and his face felt swollen from the punching. What was worst was the skin on his forearm, which had been torn pretty badly when he had hit the floor. It was bleeding openly, and dirty, ground into the rough rock earth just outside the building.

"We'll need to get the rocks out, you know." Zack muttered. "It'll hurt, so focus on my face."

"On your face." Cloud repeated, nodding, and tried to divert all his attention to Zack. Under any other circumstances, such a thing would have been terribly easy, but just knowing that there was going to be some pain coming soon was enough to make him want to fidget again.

"Look at me." Zack reminded him.

He forced himself to focus on Zack's eyes. The colors swirled and glowed, mako-bright, and he watched them intently as he felt the first sharp stings on his arm.

There was silence for a few moments as Zack continued to cleanse his wounds. Then, in a low voice, he muttered; "Damn, kid, why the hell would anybody want to do this to you?"

Cloud gave him an impatient look. "Because I'm a rookie and you're a first-class and most of the idiots here thinking beating me up is a good way to break us up, or a good way to get your attention, or the General's attention, or - "

"Okay, okay." Zack interjected, sighing. "I get it." Then, after a pause, he muttered to himself; "The things people do for Sephiroth..."

Cloud was about to point out that Sephiroth was half his reason for joining Shin-Ra in the first place, regardless of his reasons for staying now, but then Zack removed another fragment of rock from the wound and the thought slipped from his mind, along with the fleeting pain.

"I hope you fought back."

Cloud smiled grimly. "Like hell I did. I don't think they expected it, either. Maybe I'm stronger than I look?" he added thoughtfully.

"You know their names?"

"Even if I did, I doubt any report you could turn in about them would do any good."

"I wasn't good to turn in anything." Zack pointed out, a mischievous look on his face. "I just wanted to know the bastard's names."

Cloud grinned, catching on. "Revenge isn't good for you."

"Shush." Zack chided him. Then, looking him over one last time, he announced; "Okay, done!"

He stood up, and Cloud stood up with him. "Thanks."

"No problem." Zack gestured between them in a silent gesture for 'give me a kiss', and Cloud leaned in to do so, smiling a little against his lips. "It'll heal." Zack reminded him gently, hooking his hands around his waist.

"Of course it will." Cloud agreed, and kissed him again.


	2. Challenge 2: News, Letter

_Dear Zack,_

I promised myself I'd live for the both of us.

Things are different now. I'm sure you know that. We're not the same as we once were. I think all of us are smiling a little less. I know I'm still helpless when it comes to the past. I think of these things every day. I'm remembering things that sometimes I think I'd rather forget. I think of how happy we used to be, even when all the stakes were low. I can still recall what it was like to sit beside you and sit beside Sephiroth. I wonder if you can forgive him, Sephiroth. 

But I guess there's no way to know that now.

Dear Zack,

It's been so long since any of us slept peacefully. I should be used to danger by now, but I think I'm still a child when it comes to fear. Our new enemy, Kadaj, is someone who I cannot understand. I cannot read him. He is a clone, that much is clear just by looking at him. Perhaps he simply being mislead as well.

In any case, I cannot overlook him. I know you used to come out of battles grinning, but I still come out of them bleeding.

Maybe I really haven't advanced that far after all.

Dear Zack,

Jenova should be dead. If you were watching over me you would know, and I can't bear to think that you haven't been. Jenova should be dead, but we've found her again. Midgar becomes just a blur during these times. But I just cannot...explain...

Dear Zackary,

I saw him again. Our General. Sephiroth.  
He hasn't changed at all. He sneered, he laughed, he smirked in all those cocky ways he did back before Meteor was summoned. In a way, I was sort of hoping his ressurection would bring him up clean. How silly of me.

Zack...

I don't understand. I hear your voice, but I don't understand. I know he had to die, I know I had to kill him. And I did kill him! Why does everyone have to die, why so quickly? I held Kadaj as he slipped away. For a moment all I could see was Aerith, becuase I held her in the same way. I don't understand you. I don't _understand__. _

I thought maybe, with the three of you gone, you would clense the world somehow. Like how Aeriths' touch could make flowers bloom, like how Sephiroth's rare smiles would make us feel weightless, like how you used to kiss me - do you remember?

Zack...I thought for sure that you were there with me still. But I was a fool for thinking there could be some sort of solace in all that pain. The truth is, you're dead. It's about time I believed in that, because that's all there really is. You're dead, and Sephiroth's dead, and Aerith is dead, too. But what matters most is that you're dead, because through all these years, I've never grown up entirely, and you were all I ever needed.

Dear Zack,

You're skin...not white at all...you smiled gently.  
I think...I'll believe in you...for a little while more.


	3. Challenge 3: Jolt!

_"Jesus!"_ Cloud cursed loudly, swatting away his friend's curious hands. "Don't touch it! That damn pale-faced rat-bastard son-of-a-"

"Oh, come on, Cloud." Zack said, his fingertips prodding at the tiny wound, even as Cloud continued to protest. "It was just a little pinch. I had no idea you had a fear of needles."

"It's not the needles!" He hissed, drawing his bruised arm back violently. "It's that damn mako! It makes you feel like he's just set liquid fire into your veins. Is it me, or does Hojo enjoy doing this to people? I swear, I wouldn't be surprised if that man added things to the mako to make it hurt even worse..."

Zack frowned, prying Cloud's hand off the wound and holding it tightly to his chest in order to prevent more prodding and poking on his friend's behalf. "You know, all I remember was a little sting, and then it was over. I mean, the next day you could feel the difference the mako made in your body, but besides that -"

Cloud glowered at him. Zack silenced himself obediently, and in the awkward, heavy silence that followed, allowed himself to play half-heartedly with Cloud's slender fingers.

"Wait." The blonde said suddenly, his eyes narrowed to paper-fine slits. "What sort of difference in your body? You mean I'll be different when I wake up?"

"It sort of gives you a jolt." Zack explained, choosing his words carefully. "It's nothing painful, you don't have to worry."

"You said the needle wouldn't be painful, either!" Cloud cried stubbornly.

Zack couldn't help but bite back an amused smile. He had never seen his friend act so childish before, but, he supposed, perhaps it was just a silly phobia of his. "Well, _I_ didn't think it was."

"You're being mean to me." His friend accused with a small pout.

"Never dream of it." Zack said sweetly, now stroking Cloud's captured hand with the tips of his own tanned fingers. "You do know mako makes you stronger, right?"

He said this with the intention of cheering up Cloud, but instead, all he got was a doubtful scoff. "Really, Zack, I don't think such a little injection will do anything."

Zack tugged on his hand, and Cloud nudged himself closer obediently, watching with mild curiosity as Zack began nibble at the tips of his fingers.

"Does that funny stinging sensation ever wear off?" Cloud said, glancing down at his arm again.

"What, you want me to kiss that, too?"

He raised an eyebrow skeptically. "You seem happy enough with my hands."

"Okay, then." Zack muttered, now sucking gently on his index finger.

Cloud sighed and rested his head on his free hand, watching Zack with weary eyes. There wasn't much else to do, to say, even to complain about, since the burning in his arm had finally begun to settle down.

Not that that would have mattered by now, seeing as Zack's mouth was occupied with other things. But still, he thought idly to himself, the pain had been worth the comfort.


	4. Challenge 4: Our Distance & That Person

He had endured loneliness for her. He endured the many obstacles of Nibelheim for her. He had chased after her when the others had hung back. He had joined ShinRa for her. He thought of her during drills, while he was walking back to the dorms. He wondered what she would think when he raised his gun to one of the wild enemies and fired. Perhaps it wasn't as uncommon as he may have thought, but his object of unrequited love was never far from his mind.

He used to wonder about how healthy it was for him to be so worried over what someone who hardly spoke two words to him before. But there was no use thinking about it anymore. She was just too precious to leave alone.

It wasn't as if he tried to shoulder all those thoughts on his own. His dorm mates knew about her. Sometimes they liked to tease him about his 'girlfriend,' or ask him if he had written to her. Of course he never wrote to her. It wasn't worth the disappointment of not getting a letter back.

Zack was certainly curious. He should have known he could keep nothing from the man. He had asked Cloud, one night, about the 'mysterious girl that he was always so hung up over.' He asked with a teasing smile, just like how the others had asked. Cloud had thought nothing of it, at first. He told him about her, perhaps with a little more admiration in his voice than he had intended to let show.

Things went about as usual for a long time. He spent most of his time practicing, training, then sleeping off his exhaustion. Zack insisted they not forget about each other, and Cloud agreed, happy to find that he had made at least one good friend in the military who he wouldn't mind spending time with.

They sometimes spent time in each other's rooms, sometimes joking, sometimes drinking, sometimes just quietly reminiscing and telling each other stories about their childhood. Part of him noticed how often he mentioned Tifa, but part of him had just stopped caring how obsessed he sounded. Zack never seemed to take it badly, anyway.

One night they were going through the storage of weapons that Zack had access to, Cloud letting his fingers run over the sleek, metal devices and clean guns with a certain amount of awe while Zack watched and laughed good-naturedly. "Look at this." Cloud murmured, examining a broadsword with gold and silver lines crisscrossing like spider webs along the outside. "How many materia slots are on this thing?" His eyes were alight with excitement. "I know she's all about martial arts, but still, I bet Tifa would like to see this..."

"You think?"

Cloud nodded, tapping the materia slots gently. "And you still haven't written to her, kid?" Zack asked. "Even though she's always on your mind?"

He shrugged. "I don't want to bother her."

"So what are you going do about her when he see her again? Will you try to ask her out?"

Cloud stopped and straightened up, blushing a little. "...I don't know." he admitted.

"She won't turn you down, if she's smart." Zack pointed out, and in the hesitation that followed, he took the blonde's face in his hands. "You're more precious than you give yourself credit for."

Cloud looked up at him, startled, and when neither of them said anything, the soldier leaned down and kissed him gently.

"...Zack?"

"I'm sorry I'm not Tifa." Zack whispered, so softly that Cloud doubted he had even spoken at all. And then; "Come on, kid, let's head back."

Unsure of what else to do, Cloud closed the door to the storage closet and followed after his friend.


	5. Challenge 5: Hey, you know

Nobody knows it, but there's a graveyard in his mind. Sometimes he sits and tries to pull apart the pieces, tries to think of what it means. He knows there's no graves in his graveyard, that instead the body is marked by a sword. He knows it's a dry place, he knows that it's almost always windy. He knows that he's been there. And every time he tries to draw on that small, faded memory, something inside him aches.

He knows he used be loved. He tries to get used to the idea, but the word tastes funny in his mouth. Love. Zack. Love and Zack. It fits somehow, and he likes that it fits, but thinking of the memories they had just makes it hurt more. The Cloud Zack knew and the Cloud there was now had become two totally different people. One was trapped in memories, completely content, and the other was stuck here, wandering through his mind's graveyard.

He remembers what it was like to be loved. He remembers strong hands wrapping around his back and pulling him tight against his chest. He remembers the fingers that combed lazily through his hair and the smile stuck on his face. He remembers how he used to hesitate every time he stood on the tips of his toes to kiss him, and how he used to laugh whenever Zack tugged him closer and kissed him firmly back.

He remembers what it was like to be touched, to be wanted. He remembers how Zack's mouth always seemed to taste faintly of vanilla. He remembers being in awe of his somehow strong, yet gentle body, and how Zack would sometimes lay on his side with an amused smile on his face while he explored with feather-light, uncertain touches. He remembers their nights together, how he used to hook his hands around Zack's neck and feel the sweat gathering there with childlike fascination through his pleasure-clouded brain. He remembers how he used to love his name a thousand times more when he heard Zack hissing it through clenched teeth. He remembers the pain and coupled pleasure of Zack inside him.

He remembers.

But there's nothing he can do about it, even if the mess of his thoughts _did_ somehow sort themselves out. There's nothing he can do but keep on moving, keep on fighting, keep on clutching the Buster Sword tightly during battle and force himself to keep his mind on the fight rather than on the hilt of the sword where he knew Zack's own hands used to rest.

And battles the would end...everyone would walk away exhausted but satisfied, sometimes speaking with concern about what their next move would be and whether it was too risky, sometimes just chatting and bickering and laughing. But it seemed that constantly his mind would drift away from all that to dwell on the empty piece of him he wanted so badly to snatch back. There had never been a day when he didn't feel his heart sting with misery every time he reminded himself that Zack was gone, buried in the graveyard of his mind. And there had never been a day when he didn't vaguely wonder if he could somehow bury _himself_ in that damned graveyard, too.

But he knew he wasn't alone. His friends cared for him just as deeply as he cared back. He knew that he wasn't the only one hurting.

He supposed it was just another human instinct to look for comfort whenever one was hurt, because over time, several different people came to him. He knew they were all hurting for their own different reasons, that they needed someone to hold on to, someone to love who would love them in return. 

There was no way to tell them he couldn't be that person. 

Can you possibly live with yourself after making the choice to break someone's heart? _I can't say anything._ He really did care for them, but... _how can I tell you?_

How could he tell them that this chance had been snatched out of his hands? How could he tell them that his mind had become a graveyard, and for the love of God, one more wrong occurrence he he'd go crazy? How could he tell them of all the happiness he used to have, happiness that he'd assured himself he would never feel again?

He still remembered Aerith taking him out to the Gold Saucer. They did that silly play and went on a few of the rides, Aerith smiling to herself as they watched the fireworks, a typical romantic scene if there ever was one...and when Aerith quietly requested for him to open up to her, he felt a piece of him scream that he couldn't bear to get close.

How could he tell her?

And when he had waited for his friends to return to their airship, sitting on the barren land beneath the Highwind with Tifa Lockhart...she had nestled up beside him, her head resting on his shoulder so that her soft, thick hair tumbled over his chest...

_I don't love you. I can't love you._ God, how could he tell her? How could he tell her that every last piece of his heart belonged to a man who's kisses could quite literally leave him breathless? How could he tell her of the days they spent together, of how sparring could turn to wrestling could turn to tickling eachother until they were pink in the face, collapsed in a heap in the empty ShinRa gym?

They didn't have to know.

But some guilty part of him argued that yes, they did, they deserved to know why he was so distant. They deserved that, at the very least.

"Hey, Tifa..."

She stirred quietly before lifting her head, fixing large, umber eyes on his pale face. "Yes, Cloud?"

The words stuck in his throat. He shook his head, indicating that he had nothing to say, and she smiled contently, turning her face to the stars once more before resting her head back on his shoulder and closing her eyes.

And though she drifted off within minutes, Cloud didn't sleep at all that night.


	6. Challenge 6: between Dreams & Reality

A weak laugh. Nest of black hair shaking, spikes swaying with a glossy shine from the cheap lamplight. He watches his friend's profile from the half-open door, hidden, his hands in his pockets, fisted so tightly that his fingernails left brand-like marks on his palms. 

"I'm doing this all wrong, aren't I? Something's wrong, right? I'm being selfish...really, Zack, you're such an idiot..."

Talking to himself. Cloud pressed his cheek against the doorframe, frowning as the raven-haired man continued.

"If only...I don't know...if only you wouldn't look at me like that..." Zack lifted his head slightly, his gaze meeting the wall he seemed to be aiming his words at. "God, Cloud, if you only knew what it was you did to me."

A shiver slips down his spine, but he ignores it, taking in every word he hears from his the other man and trying his best to memorize it as he hears it. He'll look it over later, figure out what it is he means when there's hours to waste and no one around to wonder ask him why he's shaking.

For now, he needs to listen.

"You're begging for trouble, Zack, you know that?" Another weak laugh. Hand pressed against his forehead, smiling a broken smile. "Just...Cloud, I...I really do love you, kid. I'm gonna burn in hell for this."

Cloud closed his eyes, hearing the even sounds of own his breathing more more loudly than he had ever dared to notice before.

"If we had met under different circumstances...or maybe...even down at the plate...we could have met there instead of here. A guy can dream, right? If you had been a girl, even, maybe I wouldn't feel so guilty. Or even if you were just a little bit older, kid, maybe things could have been different..."

Different? _Different?_ The word spun around in Cloud's head like a curse. How could he ever imagine things to be different? Things were perfect like this. Going to practice and seeing Zack smiling at him, talking at a mile a minute, laughter that could have been music, a warm body lingering by his perhaps for one moment too long, eyes bright with mako, hair that was like a proclamation about him, breaking all the rules...

"Just..._damnit_, Zack, you've really gone and done yourself in this time. But how am I supposed to get over this? Ignore him? I can't ignore you, Cloud..."

He saw Zack lift his hands and inspect them for a moment, as if he expected them to be dirty. "Kid, if you were here...if I could just hold you for one night, just this once...God, what am I saying? I'm supposed to be a role model, right? Soldier, first class? Aerith would kill me if she knew..." Another laugh, head shaking slowly. "No, no she wouldn't, that's just it. She would probably just giggle that way she's always giggling and tell me to go for it. So then...why do I feel so guilty?"

"Don't..." Cloud whispered under his breath, but the word faded just as quickly as it came, never to reach into and across the room where his friend sat, oblivious. "There's no reason to feel guilty..."

Remembering their hands brushing together as they headed down to the dorm... Zack, always smiling, Cloud with his eyes on the ground, wondering why it felt so natural to be with him...

"Why does it feel so...?"

"I know..." Cloud breathed again, his hand hovering over his mouth to keep his words private. "I wonder the same thing."

"I love you, kid." The soldier sighed. "It would destroy you if you knew, wouldn't it? Just...not now. Someday, when we're far away from here and the air's fresh as rain and there's no Shin-Ra for miles... I'll tell you then. But not today."

The hand over Cloud's mouth fell to his chest, clenching there tightly like a wordless vow. Zack had fallen silent, his musing seemingly through. And then:

"No more dreaming, Zachary." he chided himself gently. "You're gonna die dreaming, some day."

His hands found his face and he sat there, frozen. Cloud took a step away from the open door and looked around at the empty hallways.

Why had he come here again? He had to get back to his dorm...

His feet moved before his mind could agree on a set path, and he was heading back to his quarters in silence.

As much as he knew the feelings were mutual, Zack had a point. There was no way it would work. No way in hell.

But it was nice...it was nice to know, at least.

To know that he wasn't the the only idiot in love...

"I'll stop dreaming when you stop dreaming." he whispered bitterly, and then he laughed. Because to be with him was to dream the dusty, immoral world of Midgar anew, to create that world of fresh air and freedom he had wished for so dearly in the dark depths of his empty dorm room.

And even when Zack's words became a distant memory, a ring in the back of his head...even when years upon years had slipped through his fingers like the white sand of Costa Del Sol and their lives were torn apart without a second thought by the constant torture of what never was...even when Zack's very name brought only a wave of pain and regret and longing that had never been fulfilled...

..._he never stopped dreaming,_ really.


	7. Challenge 7: Superstar

He often thought of the two of them as human vessels for day and night. Zack, contrary to his dark features, was the day, always bright and alive, all shining smiles and rough, affectionate hands. Cloud was the night, keeping quiet and watching, only able to stand out when Zack was there to bring him up. The contrasts between them always seemed to be coming up; their outlook, their tones, the things they did. So when Zack suggested they spend his free evening down at the local bar, he couldn't help but find himself shrinking away.

The bar was dimly lit, most of the lights concentrated on a stage in the front. Zack found a seat near the back and led Cloud there, arm in arm, grinning. He ordered a drink for each of them, leaned his chair unto it's back legs, and closed his eyes. "Ah, I love having time off." he sighed happily.

Cloud, who could never relax in dark, crowded places, smiled in spite of himself. Seeing Zack so optimistic, with his face glowing under the cheap lights and his raven's hair falling messily over his eyes, always seemed to warm one of the colder sections of his heart.

When the drinks arrived, Zack took a hearty gulp before striking up a conversation between the two of them. Cloud took small sips of his drink, nodding in encouragement whenever Zack paused to breath. His mind began to wonder elsewhere, though his eyes kept themselves fixed on his friend.

After a few minutes, Zack shook his arm gently, a mischievous look on his face. "Wanna go on stage?"

"Huh?" It was all he could do not to choke on his alcohol.

"Karaoke." He pointed to a slim, blonde woman with a striped skirt who was singing solo on stage. Cloud felt the blood rise to his face. 

"N-no! You go."

"Oh, come on." He smiled again, but this time in a slightly more noticeably drunk way than before. "You'd look so pretty all lit up like that."

"You go, Zack." he repeated nervously.

"We could do a duet!" He took a deep swig of his beer, then frowned. "Wait, no...we don't know any duets." Yep, definently drunk. "Oh, who cares, they'll love us." He said happily, jumping to his feet and pulling Cloud up with him. "Let's go!"

"Zack!" Cloud protested weakly, but the darker man had already hoisted them up on stage. The blonde woman performing before waved cheerfully in welcome before moving off stage to give them room. Cloud glanced around at the audience before him and felt a newfound stage fright rise up into him.

"Okay!" Zack said, holding the mike as if it were a battle prize. "Are you ready?"

Cloud could say for sure that he was most definitely _not_ ready, but Zack had already began to sing.

He had a surprisingly decent voice, taking into account that he was already intoxicated. He couldn't say for sure what the lyrics were about, not when he was so fixed on the confident soldier before him. The auidence seemed happy enough, some clapping to the beat, others just watching. He was beginning to fear Zack may try to drag him into the song as well, but all he did was wrap one arm around the blonde's waist and pull him tight to his side.

The song ended. The audience burst into applause. Zack looked particularly proud of himself. "How was that, Cloud?" he asked, bright-eyed. Cloud could smell the alcohol on his breath, but he found he couldn't care less. He had made a nice discovery today, if nothing else; Zack had potential. If he wasn't a solider, Cloud could bet he could make it big somewhere.

"It was great."

"Ahaha! I told you it would be fun." he slurred the last word a little. Cloud laughed. "And you _do_ look pretty under all those lights."

A smaller, dark-haired woman began to climb under the lights. She planted her hands on her hips impatiently. "Move it! I wanna sing!"

"Uh?" Zack glanced at her shortly. "Oh." He turned back to Cloud, a small dust of pink on his cheeks. "You look so pretty, hon." he said, and he kissed him.

Cloud froze, stunned at the sudden, rashness of the motion. It was a drunken kiss, not very neat and not very romantic, but it was a kiss none the less.

Everyone in the bar feel suddenly quiet. Then, several voices erupted in cheering and whistling. Several others began to laugh. The blonde woman who had forfeited the stage to them began to clap her hands. "Look, Cloud, they're cheering!" Zack laughed drunkenly. Then; "God, I'm so stoned! I'm sorry..."

"Let's head home." Cloud said, taking his hand and squeezing it.

"Yeah." Zack agreed as Cloud began to lead him off the stage. "Let's."


	8. Challenge 9: dash

_"Cloud?"_

Somewhere in the mess he had closed his eyes. And when he opened him again, Cloud was struggling to hold himself up. The ShinRa shoulders stood solemnly before him, some of them looking stunned, some of them looking disgusted, but most of them looking impatient and unfeeling. "Stupid kid." The palest of them muttered shakily, and he began to walk forward, closer and closer to the blonde, even reaching out to shove him as he passed.

Cloud stumbled. One hand held his chest dearly, the other reached out to break his fall. And yet his arm buckled beneath him, his shoulder striking the ground first, then his head. Zack watched the scene through a haze of unreality. And as the ShinRa troopers moved closer, he found he could not take his eyes away from his friend.

Why was there blood on him? Why were his hands black with it, his hair dirty with that rusty red color? He was screaming something, something distant and strange. His lips kissed the naked air. And yet...

This had to be a dream. And yet everything moved in seconds, rather than the stretch of years it seemed to consist of. What was he doing on the ground? Why wasn't he that distance away, where Zack had left him? The troopers moved closer, and yet he could not waste time even sparing a glance at their direction.

He must have gotten up. He must have pushed himself...somehow. Somehow.

"Cloud?" he said faintly. The troopers began to obscure his vision of the blonde boy. "_Cloud?_" A little more desperately. The guns lifted. Their eyes fixed on him. It didn't matter. Only this mattered, only the two of them, trapped in this moment for eternity.

And then; "_Fire!_"

An intense, alien pain filled him. Stinging agony on a thousand different points of his body. He fell on his back, his mind whirling, strange sounds of pain escaping his open lips. His thoughts screamed at him. How could Cloud have pushed himself up? How could have dashed in front so quickly? Why? _Why?_ They had gotten so far, they had pushed so hard, so _why?_

He watched the dying body of his only remaining friend as his own life drained from him rapidly.

_Why did he get in the way? Why?_

But his thoughts cut themselves off as the last bullet struck.


	9. Challenge 11: Gardenia

Zack had a girlfriend, of course. He was golden and gorgeous, talented and cheerful, and everyone wanted to be like him, _everyone_, so it was only understandable that he'd have a girlfriend. Probably the best, too. Probably the most beautiful, envied, flawless girl on Gaea.

So he forced himself to think; _At least Zack still __**likes**__ me_. But at this point, he was even starting to doubt that. It was stupid, really. Zack hadn't even _done_ anything, hadn't ever showed any lack of interest in Cloud, hadn't ever turned him down. And yet he couldn't help but get down on himself every time he glanced at the flowers Zack had so tenderly arranged by the window-sill.

Self-pity was unattractive, he knew. But he couldn't help it.

Zack was standing by the door, his eyes half-lidded so that the little bright pools of mako seemed to glow like crescent moons beneath them. He was glancing at his watch and frowning, then his lips were moving, but Cloud couldn't hear anything, it was stupid, _this_ was stupid...

"What?"

"Her name's Aeris, you know."

Cloud blinked, feeling a shiver slip down his spine. Was his face really so easy to read?

"You're really worked up about it, aren't you, kiddo?" he said gently. "I can tell." He crossed the room gracefully, the pads of his fingers reaching out to tenderly stroke the curve of Cloud's jaw. The blonde leaned forward into his touch, fighting the urge to close his eyes. The ghosting feel of skin against skin was so pleasurable that it was almost possible to forget his worries whenever Zack touched him, even though his hands were sometimes cold and his fingernails were bitten ragged and his wrists were all bruised and blue from being pinned repeatedly during spars.

"She has a little garden in her backyard. It's enormous, all full of yellow flowers and bright little petals that she likes to scatter all over the walkways, and she's always got gardening gloves on even though the dirt's up to her elbows. She's a sweetie, and I know you'd like her, Cloud, but I love _you_, you hear me?"

Cloud nodded, allowing his mind to drift after the small speech had ended. The name was a whisper to him, a prayer that never ended, _Aeris_...

It was a pretty name.

Zack bent down and placed a small, affectionate kiss on his forehead before turning to leave, quietly informing Cloud that Sephiroth wished to meet him and he was probably already late, damn him...

Cloud couldn't help but smile.

"I'll be back by five, babe." he said. And then, in a smaller, more hopeful voice; "Maybe you can meet her someday."

Cloud had, in all honestly, expected his smile to falter, but instead, he merely nodded.


	10. Challenge 12: In a Good Mood

He's got a certain way of thinking that he knows will drive himself crazy one day. Why expect the word to be simple when you know it's going to be complicated? There's no reason to get your hopes up when you go to sleep every night with a headache. There's no reason to pretend you're having fun when you aren't.

He's not just being pessimistic, either. (Or maybe he is and he doesn't want to admit it.) But there are good things in life, too. There are things like breathing freash air and being assigned to missions with Genereal Sephiroth, things like having him nod politely in his direction during the course of the day. There are things like spotting bright flowers in shop windows that he knows he'll never see growing in Midgar, and having dorm buddies pull pranks on his birthday because they've grown fond of him - _not_ because they're bored - and as always, the feeling of Zack's rough fingers grasping his as they rush to make the train and venture down beneath the plate.

Life can be good. Hell, life can be _great._ Sometimes it feels as if he's finally content, even with the bad things taken into consideration - it _is_ life, after all. It's complicated. And because of that it can be tough, because there's no way out, there's no vacation he can take to clear his mind and come back refreshed and new, because this is _Midgar_ and Midgar is full of dirt and grime and smog and hate and worries and pressure and it's all too _complicated_. Even when he's at his happiest, he still has to keep in mind, _nothing_ is _ever_ simple in Midgar.

Today the sun is like a ball of burning white color, and being outside on the campas is suicide to the eyes. Zack has leave today, and he stands by the door, buttoning his jacket with lively fingers and looking up at Cloud with even livelier eyes.

"Where to?" He asks, grinning mischeviously.

And then he thinks; it's okay to live in a complicated world, if only for moments like this.


	11. Challenge 14: Radio Cassette Player

Christmas Eve was a little more confusing every year.

Before he came to ShinRa, there were never any presents to give. He'd always pick something up for his mother, of course, and they would have their little Christmas together, but it never went further than that.

He remembers agonizing over giving a gift to Tifa, thinking of all the possible reactions she might have which always seemed to be bad. He remembers wanting to get a gift for his father and wondering why he couldn't at least come back for the holidays. He remembers wishing he had someone to lean on when it was a White Christmas, someone to keep him warm and who he could keep warm in return.

Now he sat on the edge of Zack's bed, resting his head on the back of his hand and staring at the radio that sat beneath the tiny Christmas tree on his end table. The cassette inside fed holiday music into the air as the translucent tape inside spun around slowly. "White Christmas," was the tune.

He closed his eyes.

ShinRa turned things upside down, of course. He couldn't spend the holidays with his mother, so they sent letters back and forth through the mail. He had bought her a glass Christmas ornament with the little money he had left after buying his gift for Zack – a silver hoop earring he had purchased after the Soldier had lost his old one.

The music was soft and slow, spinning him to sleep slowly. What the hell, he thought, it's Christmas Eve. There's nothing to do but sleep anyway…

Something cold touched his neck.

Cloud jumped, startled, and was about to turn his head and see who was there when two strong, bronze arms crossed over his chest and embraced him tightly.

"Thanks for the earring." Zack's voice sounded beside his ear. "It's sexy."

Cloud glanced down to see what had touched his neck and saw it was a thick, silver chain. A necklace. He touched it tentatively.

"You were supposed to open your gift tomorrow." he said at last.

"Scrooge." Zack teased. "Like it?"

"Yes…" He turned the necklace over in his fingers until the cold metal grew warm. "I – "

One hand snaked around his head as Zack leaned forward to kiss him. Cloud smiled into the kiss, closing his eyes.

"Now that you opened your gift, I'll have nothing to give you on Christmas." Cloud mused aloud once they broke away.

"I'm sure you can think of something." Zack teased, fingers wrapping around the chain on his neck and tugging. Cloud leaned forward obediently as Zack captured his lips again, this time with a little more passion.

"Merry Christmas?" he said, raising an eyebrow. Cloud laughed and shook his head, grinning.

"Merry Christmas." he agreed.


	12. Challenge 15: Perfect Blue

_Why does it have to be here?_ He thought, watching Cloud sit cross-legged on his bed, tugging absent-mindedly at a lock of blonde hair as he spoke about his day. _Why couldn't we meet somewhere where __**real**__ couples meet, like at some park in the summer or at a new years party or something?_

"Zack? You okay?"

How could he tell him that he was anything but okay? How could he say that everything was wrong, that _this_ was wrong, because he was going to get hurt and Zack was going to have to watch?

But instead he just scooted closer to the blonde, slipping an arm around his shoulder and saying; "Don't be silly, of course I'm okay."

Cloud smiled, his cheeks dusted a light pink, and turned his head away, continuing his speech while simultaneously pulling at the collar of his shirt for air. Zack leaned his head on his lover's thin shoulder, staring with fascination at his slender fingers, his soft lips, the curve of his hips and hallow of his neck...

_You're so pretty, you'll never survive._

Can I really protect you forever?

"But the commander told me that...Zack, are you _sure_ you're okay?"

Cloud stared up at him with large liquid eyes, frowning with suspicion, and this time Zack didn't even bother to answer. For that brief moment, all he could see was those gorgeous eyes, a perfect, crystal shade of blue so clear that it bordered on hypnotizing.

Shaking his head, he reached forward quietly and rested his hands on Cloud's shoulders. The blonde jumped at his touch, startled. Bewilderment became apparent on his graceful features.

"You know I love you, right?" Zack said, forcing his voice to stay cheerful as he leaned down to kiss his forehead.

He felt Cloud shift uncomfortably beneath him. "Of course I do, but what does this have to do with anyth-"

His question was cut off as Zack's hands slid to his shoulders and his kiss fell instead to his mouth. Cloud swayed, stunned, eyes still open but leaning into the kiss unconsciously. It was a gentle kiss, sad and sweet but somehow still so assuring _Zack_, and he reached forward clumsily to grasp at the collar of his sweater and tug. He felt dazed, dizzy, so that when Zack probed for him to open his mouth, he did so without hesitation.

How many times had they done this? Why did it seem so different now? He _thought_ it was because Cloud was leaving early tomorrow for mako injections...but was that really all?

_**Why**__ am I so __**worried?!**_

Cloud's hands tangled themselves in his hair, smoothing down his haphazard spikes and smiling into the kiss. Zack felt a wave of affection wash over him as he broke away, grinning.

"You messed up my hair!"

The blonde supplied him with a mockingly stern expression, folding his hands neatly across his chest. "_Really_, Zack."

"Is that a challenge?"

"Nooo!" Cloud shrieked, laughing, as Zack dragged him to the floor. And then, almost immediately afterward; "...Oh, _shit._"

"What?" Zack inquired, suddenly serious. Cloud shook his head and rose from the floor, straightening his shirt as he did so.

"I have to go." he explained apologetically. "I have to get up early for those injections tomorrow."

"Oh." Zack muttered, feeling his heart sink. _That's it._ he thought guiltily. _I can't stand to see them change you._

He reached forward, gently brushing Cloud's cheek with the back of his hand. "Sorry, I forgot you set a curfew today."

Cloud smiled distantly, briefly holding Zack's hand to his cheek as he spoke. "I don't sleep much anyway."

_You have such perfect eyes._ He thought, relishing the touch of his hand against Cloud's. _You have such perfect blue eyes, and they're going to ruin them with mako. How can I tell you that I'm afraid for you? Or that maybe you won't take to the mako the way that I did? I know you're an adult, and that you can take care of yourself, but some part of me wishes you could stay this way..._

Sighing, Cloud moved to pick up his scattered belongings off the floor and headed toward the door.

Forcing a grin, Zack lifted a hand in farewell. "Good luck, babe."

Cloud's face fell slightly when glanced at his expression, and Zack felt his stomach twist with fear; had he really let his emotions show so easily? But the moment was quickly lost as he turned to open the door, smiling and waving goodbye in return. "Thanks."

The door locked behind him. Zack sat cross-legged on the floor, staring at the polished wood and willing it to open again.

"Good luck." he repeated to the empty room, and sighed as threw himself back into bed.


	13. Challenge 20: The Road Home

Everything about the man he carried on his back seemed to point toward death. His eyes were empty, blank, unseeing, his limbs were limp and cold. His hands were the color of china, and his body had become so thin that his ribs were now clearly visible. His Shin-Ra uniform hung off his bones like rags. The only thing that proved that Cloud Strife still lived was the soft and little breath Zackary could still feel against the nape of his neck.

"Sorry about this." he said quietly. "But if we take a shorter route, the search party will be able to find us easier, and we just can't risk it."

Talking to the blonde was like talking to someone in a coma - someone who probably couldn't hear a word he said, though there was always the slim chance that his voice might break though. When he got back to Midgar, he'd have to ask him about that. He and Aeris could nurse him back to health and wipe that empty look off his face...and Zack could tickle him until his cheeks were pink and all those bad memories faded away into nothingness -

He felt the blonde's lips twitch against the bare fleash of his shoulder.

"I'm gonna take you to my house, Spike." he said. "You can live with me until things are better, it'll be like none of this ever happened."

He felt the hairs on the back of his neck rise with every weak breath Cloud took.

"I know you want to stop..." he said. "And to be honest, I do to."

Breath. Pause. Breath. Pause.

"Okay, kiddo." he whispered in defeat. "You win."

Cloud was surprisingly light - even his Buster Sword seemed to weigh more, so when Zack carefully lowered the boy to the ground and propped him up against the trunk of a nearby tree, he found his grip tightened with every passing second, so that when he removed his fingers from Cloud's waist, little pink bruises had already begun to blossom there.

Zack felt his heart swell.

"Sorry, babe." he said, plopping down next to him. "I'm really sorry. I don't know everything that happened - I don't know what he did to you that he didn't do to me...but..."

His heart was beating faster, and it took him a few moments to realize why. He couldn't feel Cloud's breath anymore. Now, there was no telling if the boy was still alive. And he knew that was silly, but -

Zack crawled closer, his tounge thick in his throat.

He could feel his face heat up as he examined the boy, pulling down his collar just enough to make sure that his chest was indeed gently rising and falling. To be honest, he wasn't surprised, but the feeling of constant paranoia that Cloud might give out on him at any given moment hadn't wavered once in the last five years they had spent together in Hojo's lab.

He brought his face close to the younger man's until there noses were almost touching. Yes, that was better now, that was _so much better_ - he could feel the blonde's breath again, he could see the slight tint of pink on his cheeks, he was most certainly alive - _alive_ - and that ment that he was still within Zack's reach, that ment that once they reached their destination, he could nurse his lover back to health. He could see his smile again someday.

Alive. _Alive..._

His lips were so pale. Past all those merciless memories of torture and blood inside a clean, well-lit lab, he could still remember how Cloud had looked when he first applied for SOLDIER. How he had looked when Zack first began to take him under his wing. How he had looked the first time they made love. He was so..._pink_ back then, his lips and his cheeks had been so full of that rosy hue. But now they were so pale, so white.

His took Cloud's face in his hands, looking quietly into those mako-lit eyes when a sudden urge began to rise up into his throat.

He wanted to taste those lips again, he wanted to feel that perfection just one more time. And as he titled the blonde's cold face upward into a soft but eager kiss, a horrible sense of dread washed over him. Cloud's eyes were still open, still unseeing, his lips were as cold as marble, and this -

( _felt like rape_ )

"I'm sorry, Spike." he repeated for the uptenth time, guilt washing over his senses, and he rose to stand once more. He hoisted Cloud unto his back tactfully, wrapping the blonde's arms around his neck and taking a firm hold of his legs as he walked, and soon that soft and little breath returned to his neck - quicker, this time.

- **FIN** -

A/N: Hm. I have a feeling this would have turned out better if I hadn't played "Carmina Burana" while I typed, but now, even with the music off, I can't think of any way to edit it. Oh well. Comment please


	14. Challenge 22: Cradle: mature warning!

He was going to trip.

Zack was in front of him, tugging him down what he thought was a back ally, and God help him, he was going to trip and sprain his ankle or break his arm or do something ridiculously childish to make an idiot out of himself. But he kept his mouth closed, because Zack had never quite acted this way before, and he wanted to comply as best he could to make him happy.

After they had gotten off the train and stepped unto solid ground, Zack had seized his hand and led him away, briskly ordering him to keep his eyes shut. Cloud had obeyed reluctantly, and Zack, obliviously excited about _something_, seemed to have forgotten that he was enhanced enough by mako to have a decent advantage in speed over his company, thus resulting in his current blind stumbling.

"Just a little further." Zack's cheerful voice chimed somewhere to his left, and he couldn't help but think of how they might look to an outsider, catching sight of them running along together. How misplaced they would appear...

Still, after the two of them had been together for months now, he couldn't help but get self-conscious when it was least convenient. It was so strange to be a man in a relationship with another man when he was constantly reminded of the awkwardness of their love. It would stand out to him in the smallest of small things, such as holding hands. (He often thought with a certain amount of bitterness that the shape of Zack's hand could only be fitted against the thinner, softer hand of a woman, even in spite of the fact that he himself had developed a habit of lacing his fingers alongside Zack's whenever they kissed.)

Zack was the kind of handsome person one might imagine standing sweetly beside a female that measured up to his good standard of looks. His smile, his confidence, his appearance – all seemed to bring him friends of all kinds, ensuring him success. Ensuring him happiness. But instead of living a beautiful life, instead of being viewed as normal, here he was with Cloud.

Here he was, ruffling his hair and teaching him how to fight, visiting Cloud's dorm room and kissing him teasingly and laughing when he stuttered a modest protest. Here he was, as Cloud liked him best, as he always wished he could stay, even when he chose to be within his company: Happy.

"Okay!" A brass voice cut through his thoughts. "Just walk, now, don't run." He pushed Cloud forward gently, and Cloud felt himself tense up against the uncomfortable feeling of moving into unseen territory. Forcing himself to comply, he listened to Zack's small 'hmm..'ing and 'further..'ing before finally declaring; "Stop! You can look now."

Cloud opened his eyes.

His first thought was that they had somehow left Midgar. The air tasted different; more natural. Clear. The sun was just beginning to disappear completely, and the sky was three shades darker from when he had last seen it. A velvet blue. Depthless. Unhidden by the gleaming buildings that usually sprouted up all around them like massive Evergreens. The solid, undying colors of green leaves and grass was like a new kind of freedom in it's own strange way, as if he was looking at what should have been in a world that was filled to the brim with mistakes.

_I'm in a little oasis._ He thought. Somehow he had to believe that they were still in Midgar, because Zack could have never taken him that far away. But…

"...what is this?" he asked breathlessly.

Zack responded with a shy, somewhat awkward smile, lifting one hand to scratch coyly at the back of his head like a scorned puppy. "You don't like it? I know it's sort of bland, but..."

"Zack..." he turned his face up fully to the sky and was instantly struck speechless by the clarity of it, the lack of smog and clouds that usually hung over Midgar, the elegance of a thousand tiny stars scattered across the dark expanse... "I...you..." He turned back to Zack, a nervous smile on his face. "This...what...?"

Zack just laughed, jogging up beside him and throwing his arms out at his sides. Cloud stepped away cautiously, watching with a kind of drugged fascination as he spun around on his heels, palms open and eyes closed, lips parted in a small smile of contentment.

"No wires, no mess." he chortled, "No houses all crushed together or any shit like that..." He stopped his little dance for a moment, allowing his arms to fall back into place at his sides, and turned to Cloud. "Some places like this, on the outskirts of Midgar...you can even forget you're living in slums, you know?" 

He lifted his face to the sky, just as Cloud had moments before. "Everything's alive here! When I first found it, I couldn't believe it had been left untouched, but...if Aerith can grow hundreds of flowers in the middle of a mess like Midgar, I guess anything is possible. I told myself I wouldn't tell anybody, because somebody might hear and want to tear it up, just like the rest of the plate...but...I couldn't help but show you. There's no point in being here if there's no one to share it with."

The two of them stood still for a moment, taking in his words. And then Zack lowered himself to the earth and lay back against the grass, arms behind his head. Walking slowly around his sprawled form, Cloud sat cross-legged beside him and took in the details of his relaxed face and closed eyes.

_I'm in a little oasis._ He thought again. _Maybe we can be ourselves here..._ But the words died in his throat easily. There was nothing he could possibly say to make this right, or real...

"It's healthy." He said finally, reaching out to rest his hand in the grass by Zack's shoulder. "The grass is, I mean."

"Is that all you can think to say?" Zack laughed, opening one eye to study him. "Look at the sky."

"I did." But he titled his head back anyway.

"See that?" A broad hand rose into his field of vision and gestured at a clump of stars. "Sagittarius."

Cloud squinted his eyes, brushing stray locks of hair out of his face as he searched the sky for the image. "I don't see it." He said finally.

"That's the bow and arrow, there." He said matter-of-factly. "You have to imagine the stars are connected."

Cloud allowed himself to lay on the grass beside his friend, propping himself up on one elbow. "All I see is a bunch of white dots."

"Come on, Cloud." Zack's voice had a laugh in it. "Here – right next to Sagittarius is Behemothus. See the horn?"

"Behemothus?" He repeated doubtfully. "As in Behemoth?" He lay back fully against the grass, resting his hands on his stomach as he spoke. "Do they name stars after monsters?"

"Sure they do." He insisted cheerfully, snaking a hand over the blonde's shoulder. Cloud inched himself closer obediently, resting his head on Zack's chest and grinning as Zack continued with what he knew was the truth: "But honestly? Nah, I just made that one up."

"Bastard." He muttered as Zack kissed the top of his head.

"And just above the Behemothus is the Cloudithus." He continued confidently. "See those four stars all close to each other? That's your spiky hair."

"Speak for yourself!" Cloud huffed. "If that's the Cloudithus, then that one there is the Zackirus." This was so pointless, not to mention he felt increasingly stupid and uncreative. But Zack responded immediately with a spirited, "What? Where? Show me."

"It's the one that won't shut up." He laughed as Zack ruffled his hair in retaliation. Cloud squirmed out of the way without thinking, resting his head lower on Zack's soft chest, and found himself laying unintentionally against the steady beat of Zack's heart.

He closed his eyes.

Thump, thump against his ear. The tiniest of tiny breezes washed over them. Thump, thump as his chest rose and fell. A warm hand draped around his waist. Thump. Thump. The air was full of silence and breath. Thump. Thump. And they were alone here…

He laced his fingers through Zack's, a sense of peace overcoming him. Thump. Thump. An oasis... Thump. Thump. _An oasis..._

"Zack?" Thump. Thump.

"Yes?" Thump. Thump.

"Make love to me?"

He moved away as Zack propped himself up on his elbows, surprised, and watched his expression soften as their eyes met. Zack reached forward with one hand and touched his cheek gently, fingers tracing his jaw line and moving tenderly to stroke his lower lip.

"Are you sure?" he breathed.

He opened his mouth to answer and instead found himself leaning forward to kiss, fingers moving clumsily to unbutton his shirt. Zack relaxed into the kiss, tightening one hand around the blonde's waist and using the other to confidently unfasten his belt.

It was strange, he thought, doing this outside where the air could nip at them and the moonlight could leave patterns on their skin. It was different, new, and he was beginning to feel more than ever as if he had been transported to another world. He couldn't bring himself to worry as he pushed the unbuttoned fabric of Zack's shirt over his shoulders and rested his hands against his skin. The beating of his heart became apparent again – now he could feel it singing under his right palm.

This was real, then. Zack was alive and he was alive and this was real. Cloud closed his eyes, feeling his face grow warm, as if a fever had started and was just beginning to flare up. They had to be back by midnight to be let back in, and he knew he had to sleep early to wake up for drills tomorrow, but right now they weren't in Midgar anymore, so what did it matter? Right now they were in an oasis, just the two of them, and...

And...

Zack leaned forward and nipped at his neck softly, and Cloud slid his hands to his bare back, his fingertips running over the ridges of his spine. He could feel the little ball of electricity spark in his chest, and his right hand cradled Zack's head lovingly as he rested his chin against his crown.

The air was cool around them, and there were no blankets or no walls to hide themselves behind, as he was so used to. The feeling of being exposed – of being naked – was strong, now, but somehow he wasn't feeling as trapped as he had expected. The nagging thought of being discovered out here was present, but it ebbed away as Zack finished removing what remained of their clothing and tossing them elsewhere. He lay back against the grass as Zack moved above him, his large hands resting on either side of his head.

He hooked his hands around his waist as Zack leaned down and captured his lips expertly. Grinding his hips upward and feeling a certain amount of satisfaction from the muffled groans they caused, Cloud leaned upward unto the kiss and opened his mouth eagerly. He took the bait without hesitation, exploring the hot cavern of his lover's mouth with an increasingly desperate passion. 

The fingers tangling themselves in his hair ignited a fire inside him. Arching into his touch, Cloud kissed him fiercely back. The heat of flushed skin against skin wasn't enough, somehow, and he felt his body crying out for more. Pulling away regretfully, he took Zack's face in his hands.

"I need you." He whispered urgently. "Please."

Zack nodded, averting his eyes momentarily.

"Protection?"

"I have some." He sighed with relief, unable to imagine how they could possibly stop where there were going now if he didn't. Zack's hands were somewhere where his eyes couldn't see, but he couldn't bring himself to worry, not when all that he could think about was this beautiful place and this beautiful feeling and this beautiful, beautiful person.

Zack nudged his legs apart gently, and he forced himself to relax as the dark-haired man carefully prepared him. The feeling took some getting used to, but his spiraling thoughts spared the fleeting ache between his legs no mind. He watched Zack's eyes, mako-bright, concentrate on the task at hand before turning to him after what seamed like an eternity and saying that he thought he was ready.

It always hurt a little at first, but Zack wrapped him tenderly in his arms and held him through the first moments until pain blossomed into pleasure. The sensation of being filled was such an intimate and eternally personal thing to him, as if being this close to his beloved was something that could chase away his feelings of solitude. Being cradled in his arms, alive in passion and with all his affections set aflame like the delicate but boldly standing candles of cathedrals, he felt complete at last.

Sweat-covered skin against skin, hissing his name through clenched teeth…a shaky kiss, the caress of his tongue and shameless touches igniting pleasure in every last fiber of his being. They found their rhythm quickly, moving together with mixed desperate love and gentleness.

The moon cast a haunting glow over their bodies, blanketing them in dim light. Cloud watched his lover's illuminated features quietly, panting in beat with his thrusts. His expression were weighted with passion, and he observed his blushing face through a veil of ecstasy.

_Your eyes are an oasis._ That bright blue-green glow. _Your arms are an oasis._ Cradling him with a tenderness he had never felt anywhere else. _Your voice is an oasis._ The only voice he ever wanted to sigh his name...  
"Zack…" He caressed his cheek with the back of his hand, losing himself in the building heat. _And your lips._ Cloud kissed him sweetly, relishing the taste of laughter and mischief and honey that flowed into his blood as Zack kissed him back. _Your lips are an oasis, too._

"Don't, Cloud." He said, bowing his head so that the brilliant light in his eyes was hidden. "I can't hold out much longer if you keep – "

"Then don't." He said, kissing the top of his head.

"Cloud…" he hissed, and Cloud felt his hands tighten slightly, fingernails digging into his skin. "You little tease-"

He laughed and silenced him with a kiss, once that Zack didn't refuse. The waves of pleasure grew deeper still, and he submitted to them without a second thought, cursing loudly as he lost himself in a sudden orgasm. Zack followed him not long after, and he felt the hands on his hips let up through his pleasure-clouded brain. 

After a pause in which the Soldier gathered himself together, Cloud saw a dark nest of hair settle beside him and he turned to see Zack's exhausted face watching him fondly. He opened his mouth to speak but found that whatever he had intended to say had died in his throat. Zack watched him curiously before shaking his head to dismiss the action and drawing his arms around the blonde to hold him silently.

_The stars are bright. It's getting late._ He closed his eyes briefly. _I feel like I might burn to death now. I wouldn't mind dying here, I think._ He reached for Zack's hand, lacing their fingers together as best he could without looking. Zack squeezed his fingers briefly, and a sense of contentment settled inside him.

_You should know that your love is an oasis, too..._

Spent, he lay still against his lover, watching their intertwined hands with a detached fascination.

( _so he doesn't need a woman's hand after all_ )

Satisfaction washed over him like a drug. The sound of their panting was apparent in the still silence of the night, and Cloud felt his face burn with growing embarrassment, trying to even out his breathing. His face felt hot still, and he groaned as he realized how stupid he must look with his skin flushed pink from the heat. Beside him, Zack bowed his head a little, and Cloud sat up as he realized that his dark-haired lover was holding a hand over his mouth to keep from laughing.

"What?" he asked, confused and a little insulted.

"Nothing." Zack said, laughter breaking through his voice as he spoke. "Just…" He shook his head, smiling guiltily. "I just love you so much." He said finally.

"I love you, too." Cloud said fondly. "You idiot."

Zack laughed again, tightening his arms around the blonde. Cloud rested his head against his shoulder, his eyes moving somewhere off into the distance as he listened to Zack's brass voice above him. "I could stay here forever." he said.

"I know."

_Just a little bit longer._ He thought, finding himself unable to move from this spot. _Another minute or two won't hurt._

And with the white moon and the diamond constellations still watching them from the skies, he closed his eyes against the feeling of peacefulness and allowed his body to relax. Even their breathes, now more steady and slow, seemed to stay as one, and he thought that he'd remember this moment for the rest of his life.

_The moment when I realized just how far I'd let myself be drawn in. The moment when I realized that I no longer cared about what they might think of me, as long as you were there by my side through it all._

It had to end, of course, though later he couldn't remember just when or how it happened. But the world moved against their wishes and somehow he and Zack had dragged themselves back to ShinRa, and he was sleeping in a bed with cotton sheets, dreaming of far away places and an oasis of flowers that even the foulest air of Midgar couldn't kill.


	15. Challenge 23: Candy

Outside, the rain poured incessantly against the windows. Inside, he lay sprawled with Miss Strife's homemade apple pie to his left and Miss Strife's son to his right.

"It's raining." Cloud said simply.

"Oh, come on, Cloud." Zack urged quietly. "She sent us some food! And it's good! Aren't you sick of that cafeteria shit?"

Silence.

"You have to eat sometime..."

"I'm not hungry. Honestly, Zack." He offered a half-smile as he spoke. "You can have it."

"I'll have all of it!" He intended it as a threat, but Cloud looked unimpressed.

"Why are you so stubborn?" He wondered aloud.

More silence.

Fine, if he wanted to be difficult…

Zack leaned against the bedposts and took another slice, chewing as he got up and walked around the bed to face his friend. Cloud gave him a questioning look. "What?"

"Don't you appreciate your mother at all?" He asked, trying to sound hurt.

Cloud gave him a look. "I write to her often, it's not like I'm ignoring h-"

He stiffened slightly as Zack leaned down and captured his lips, watching with mild amusement as bright, gem-like eyes widened in surprise before falling hesitantly closed.

There was always something wonderful about the touch of Cloud's hands on his arms whenever he kissed back.

And then those hands fell away and he was left staring patiently at a ruffled young man who sat holding two fingers cautiously to his lips.

"Tastes like candy." He said in a small voice.

Zack grinned. "There! Now go thank your Mom properly!" He stood with his hands behind his head, laughing, and when Cloud reached forward to tug him back down on the bed for another kiss, he was happy to see the blonde laughing as well.

The next morning greeted them with a appropriate lack of rain and an empty pie plate.


	16. Challenge 25: fence

Sometimes he liked to explore. There was rarely any real joy in the past, when they were still struggling against Sephiroth. They moved all about the planet and slowly began to learn each and every piece of it. But they he had never made it into a game, or a pass-time. He never really explored just to feel a bit of the beauty that had still remained.

But now that things had begun to calm down, he began to move around _just_ to explore, to try and get some fun out of it. It had been enjoyable, in more ways than one, but often the fun would turn more into thoughtfullness than entertainment. When he was alone, everything was so quiet and strange, and he couldn't help but let his mind wander.

One day he came across a long stretch of land that reminded him a little of the earth along the hill on Midgar, where he had left the Buster Sword in memory of his friend. It was a small area, but long, stretching so far that he couldn't see the end of it. Parts of it were hidden in shadows, and every now and then he came across remains of structures, as if there had once been a small city there. If there was, it had fallen long ago.

He walked for a while, reflecting. He mulled over the idea of taking somebody with him to this place if he ever returned. His immidate answer would be Tifa, and though he knew she would like to spend more time with him, he doubted she would understand the signifigance of being here, by the strange, almost nolstalgic way it presented itself to him. He thought of inviting Marlene, but concluded that she would probably be bored easily, insightful child though she was. Of course, Aerith would appreciate such a place. He wondered what she would do if she was beside him, weather she would tell a tale or express joy, or sorrow, or say that she wished she could touch the barren earth and let the blossoms of her flowers break through the terrian.

Would Zack like this place?

Cloud wanted to say no. Not only because when he thought of Zack, he often thought of brighter skies, and greener grass, somewhere where you couldn't help but be happy. And if Zack was alive, he probably wouldn't want to spend more time in a place that reminded him of the harsh grounds he had covered while fleeing from Hojo.

Fleeing...

He sat down, holding back a sigh, then realizing that he was alone and it would be okay to sigh if he wanted to. He could scream if he wanted to, or even cry. He could talk to Zack, out loud, as if he were actually there to talk to. But he didn't. He just thought, and thought, and thought...

_I must have been heavy._

For Zack to carry him all that distance, when he could have just set him down and gone home, back to Aerith and back to his family and back to safety.

_You must have been tired._

To be digging up food and stealing what he could steal, and talking and smiling all that time.

_I was a burden. I was fencing you in._

But this time the guilt wasn't so suffocating, because alone in this quiet and barren place, his mind was clear enough to realize that Zack would have never wanted him to feel guilty. Zack would have wanted him to be happy.

_I am happy. I'm happy because you're still there, arn't you? Just because I can't touch you doesn't mean you're still there. Aerith is still there, after all. People like you - they never die, do they?_

"No." Cloud said aloud, smiling sadly for one brief moment. "They never do."

_I must have been heavy._

"You must have been exhausted." He looked down at the earth, the one they had saved. He touched the dry dirt with his fingers, tracing tiny patterns into the dust. "Zack. I wanted to thank you, just once."

He looked down at his hands, trying to imagine Zack's fingers intwined with his. His memory was fragmented. There was nothing to go on. But he kissed his palm gently, hoping that the message would carry.

_One last thank you, then._

_Because people like you...nothing is really ever really strong enough to make them disappear._


	17. Challenge 28: Wada Calcium CD3

Normally he wasn't the type to pick up hitchhikers, especially if they looked suspicious. But the sight of the two men he found dragging each other - well, more like one dragging the other - down the road was so unusual and pathetic that he found himself pulling over before he could think through the danger of what he was about to do. Now he was headed for Midgar with both of them sitting in the back of his pick-up. From what he could see in his rear-view window, the blonde one was doing nothing but sitting there in the corner, staring straight ahead, every now and then making some odd move as if fighting against some other being in his head, or trying to get up in spite of some large weight holding him down. The other, a spunky, black-haired man who was up and about, pacing and swinging his arms and crouching down with his hands on his knees to peer up into his friend's face, seemed to be the exact opposite - cheerful, lively, and optimistic.

They were speaking - no, he thought, only the dark-haired one was speaking - for the entire ride now. Non-stop, he thought bitterly - the kid barely even paused to take a breath. For most of the ride, he had been talking about what the two of them would do once they reached 'safety,' as he said it. The way he spoke of it, he seemed sure that they would get out alright, though from what he could see, the two of them seemed to be in deeper shit than the dark-haired one wanted to admit aloud. He talked about getting a job, getting taken care of, starting over, just the two of them. 

The driver was beginning to find that trying to pay attention to the road and not to the kids in the back was becoming harder and harder to do...especially when he had no idea why the blonde one looked so messed up and the lively one had so many weird marks on him - bruises, and a glance of what he thought might have been needle tracks when he rolled back his sleeve during the series of small, somewhat pointless warm-ups he seemed to take some joy in doing. Part of him was starting to regret picking them up. His imagination was beginning to stray - what if they were wanted...but for what? He doubted the two of them were in any condition to commit a crime - well, at least, the blonde one wasn't, and the dark-haired one seemed more concerned about getting the blonde to safety than doing anything dangerous. Of course, there was always the possibility that they were being misused in some way...but misused or not, wanted is wanted. 

He was beginning to think it would be best to get these kids to Midgar, drop them off, and pretend the entire thing had never happened.

"Look at that, Cloud."

The dark-haired one finally sat the hell down, and the driver breathed a sigh of relief - he was starting to get nervous about the kid talking so loudly and moving around so damn much. Now, from what he could see without taking his eyes completely off the road, it seemed the kid was smoothing out the blonde one's messy hair. "Look at the sky, Cloud, isn't it pretty?" he said gently, like a mother talking to a baby. But there was something amiss between them, even though the one seemed to depend so heavily on the other, even though the both looked as if they had gone through hell and back. Maybe it was the dark-haired one's tone of voice, so affectionate...as if he were talking to his girlfriend instead of his another man, and a barely-conscious one at that.

"We're almost there, and as soon as we find Aerith, everything's going to be alright. We'll have money, we'll be able to buy you the right medicine...and she's an amazing healer, Cloud, she's something else. She can make flowers grow out of stone, and she's gonna get you better - we both are."

The driver tried not to scoff. He didn't know too much about medicine or what was needed to help a kid in that sort of condition (drugs? Or just vitamens, calcium?) and he certainly didn't know anything about healing, but he could bet that nothing was going to bring that kid back easily. He muttered under his breath about unrealistic idiots, wishing he had never let the two hitch a ride with him in the first place. They were still growing, still ignorant, probably still thinking the world revolved around them, victims or not. He could remember being young, thinking the world was his oyster...

It bothered him...it bothered him, that they were so oblivious. It was a hard lesson to learn, that life wasn't fair...wasn't it about time, with those damn bruises on them, those needle tracks, and the blonde kid completely out of his mind - wasn't it about time they stopped pretending and accepted defeat?

"...okay? I love you."

The driver jumped for a moment, startled, and then glanced back at the one who said it - clearly the dark-haired kid. Had he just heard correctly?

The kid had taken the blonde's hand in his and was holding it to his chest, smiling sadly to himself. There was a look in his eyes...a wise look, like a man who had saw too much sadness in his life. And yet he was still smiling...?

"Kid - " he began roughly, but the word caught in his throat. The dark-haired one didn't look up - he hadn't heard him. Now he was drawing the blonde one closer to him, letting him rest his head on his shoulder, and placing a chaste kiss on the top of his head.

"Kid..." he tried to say again, and this time the dark-haired looked up. "Huh?" he said, a little bit of color rising in his cheeks, yet he didn't take his arm away from the blonde.

"...never mind." the driver muttered, turning back to the road. They didn't need him to scold him, he thought. Whoever this Aerith lady was, he decided, he'd leave that job to her.


	18. Challenge 29: The Sound of Waves

He had seen more death than anyone in Midgar could ever dream. He had watched those he loved pass repeatedly, sometimes in his arms, sometimes just that unreachable foot or two away from him. Sometimes they even died by his own hand. He had seen more death than the moon and the stars and whatever Gods were up in heaven watching. But he had never, never grown used to it.

Kadaj's peaceful face haunted him for nights after. That single tear played itself over and over in his mind. The stretch of the clone's black-clothed hand, his fading body, lifestream singing past his ears. He had heard the voices of those he loved in sweet echoes, he had felt the gentle, caressing hand of his flower girl in the endless space of nowhere. Zack's voice was kind and soft around him, like the air itself, eternal. But he had only seen him for a second.

And then, he dreamed.

His dreams were distant, mysterious things. The catch was, he always knew when he was in one and when he was just plodding away with reality. In his dreams, they were in places far, far away, places that didn't even exist. Ancient ruins, temples of silvery stone, endless fields of long, overgrown grass and dandelion weeds. Recently - recently meaning the last few months - his dreams had taken him to their most soothing location yet; a stretch of white sand and soft, lapping waves. A simple yet marvelous beach.

He was never alone in this place. Beside him was his first and last lover, smiling that giving smile, that smile that said 'you are not alone, you are not dying alone.' Sometimes it was just the two of them. Sometimes there were others, Aerith with a handful of yellow flowers in her hair, Kadaj laughing an honest laugh, Yazoo or Loz staring at the ocean waves with a quiet, distant longing...once he even saw Sephiroth, clad in white, his silver hair fanning out behind him like a waterfall. Zack had taken his hand and squeezed it, and the ex-General had turned to him with jade eyes that were the very essence of serenity, and he had almost cried with relief to see the man in control of himself, so beautiful and composed, so sane.

"You know what I think?"

"What's that?" Cloud was laying with his head cradled on Zack's lap, Zack's long, tanned fingers combing through his hair. They were alone this time, and all he could hear was the sound of waves. The waves, and Zack's honeysuckle voice, the ghost of laughter floating over them like guardian.

"I think if we all lived here." he gestured with his free hand at the scenery around them, "Somewhere like here...none of that ever would have happened." The hand in his hair began to twirl a blonde lock around carelessly. "We would have had time to get to know Sephiroth before any of it started. All all that war would have just been..." He fell silent for a moment, and then he smiled. That was a funny thing about this dream world - he was detached from it, just enough to know that he didn't belong. When Zack touched his hair, he didn't feel the caress of his fingers. When he embraced him, it was like embracing thin air. But things like Zack's smile - those things he could actually feel, as if it were a pulse of life in the air around him instead of a tiny human movement of muscles.

"You were never the type to regret things, Zack." He mused.

"Neither were you."

Cloud sighed, pushing himself up into a sitting position. It was a strange thing to do, as if he were watching himself move instead of actually moving. And then he looked at his friend's soft features and a fierce longing rose up inside him.

"I love you." he whispered.

Zack's dark eyes softened. "I love you too." He said, drawing his arm around the blonde gently. Cloud almost shrugged it off with a small frustration, wanting so badly to feel him but feeling only air. Instead, he leaned blindly into the touch, closing his eyes again. 

"Zack?"

"Hmm?"

"When I die, will I go here too?"

"Don't talk like that." Zack said, ruffling his hair fondly. "Don't you ever talk like that, babe."

"But I want to feel you again." There was a vague sense of foolishness in saying this, when this was nothing but a dream. But he couldn't stop himself. "Last time I felt you, you were carrying me out of a lab. I want to feel _you_, actually touch you. I want to kiss you again. Is that so much to ask?"

"I know." He whispered, looking out to the ocean waves again. "But...not yet. You still have your world to live in, Cloud."

"But I want to live in this world." he whispered, so softly he doubted if Zack could even hear him at all. Could dreams hear him, listen to him? Could Zack feel him like this, or was he just air to him too, just a useless image?

"I'm sorry." Zack breathed. The sound of waves began to dim, fading away like a dying light. "Cloud...wake up."

He woke silently, not screaming or sitting up suddenly in bed like the silly cliché he had once pondered. He opened his eyes in a different world, one that was real to him, where he could feel the blankets heavy around his body and his hair warm against his temples. There were voices bleeding through the walls from the next room over, and he rose immediately, throwing a white tee-shirt on and a pair of black jeans as he descended the steps and into the view of a chattering Tifa and a moody looking Barret, who held Marlene propped up on one shoulder.

"Uncle Cloud!" The little girl shouted, waving her hands above her head happily. Cloud waved to her in return, amused by her turning to her adoptive father and shaking his shoulder impatiently.

"All right, all right." Barret sighed, picking her up effortlessly and setting her down on the floor. Marlene spun around on her heel happily, moving to Tifa's side and looking between them as she planted her hands on her lips in a very motherly fashion.

"You were talking in your sleep again." Tifa sighed.

"Was I?" He wondered how she would react if she knew. Let him dream, maybe? No, she'd probably worry even more. He loved her to death, even the part of her that tended to obsess over him, but part of him actually _did_ want to tell her what he dreamed of. Or rather, who.

"Talking?" Marlene piped up curiously.

"It's nothing." Tifa chided her, taking the girl's tiny hand in hers.

"Yeah, nothing." Barret snorted. "Listen man, people been talking about seeing those silver-haired guys out there again. Close by, too. I think we should - "

" - check it out before the rumors get out of hand." Tifa finished wearily. "It might be nothing, but still..."

He nodded. "I understand."

"Good." Barret said shortly. "There's something I need to check out, anyway." He jerked his thumb in the direction of the door. "Head out tomorrow?"

"Of course." Tifa nodded. Cloud followed her suit.

"Uncle Cloud?" Marlene asked quietly as Barret headed out.

"Yeah?"

"Do you dream about the Nii-chan?"

Tifa gave him a frightened look. He smiled at her, ruffling Marlene's hair gently. "Sometimes." he admitted.

She looked a little comforted, to his surprise. "Sometimes I do, too."

She skipped off, looking satisfied. Tifa stared after her, a worried expression blooming on her pretty face.

"Do you, Cloud?" she whispered. "Do you really?"

He didn't answer. He didn't need to. Tifa shook her head softly and headed out the door after Barret and Marlene, one hand hesitant over her mouth, the other fisting nervously in the material of her skirt.

"Clones?"

"Just rumors." Cloud said, shrugging. They were walking along the coastline, Zack's hands deep in the pockets of his jeans, Cloud's balanced behind his head casually. "I don't know." He said. "I wouldn't know about that kind of stuff."

"You can't see what's happening?"

"Maybe, if I tried." He titled his head back, eyes wandering over the clear, azure skies. "But..."

Cloud was silent, understanding falling over him like a blanket. Of course. This was the place to get away from reality, this was peace and eternity. There was no room for worries here.

He looked out to the endless ocean, the perfect blue, white foam and gently rolling waves, crystal water touching his bare feet. And yet this was still a dream to him. The water still flowed past him, unfeeling. Zack's hand was lacing with his, but he couldn't feel those broad, smooth fingers. Zack's shoulders were brushing his, but he couldn't feel that electric rush that used to flood him when their skin connected. Zack's mouth was closing over his, but it was the kiss of a ghost, a phantom, everything and nothing and nothing more.

And yet his fake, dream heart beat twelve times as fast in his sleeping chest.

"Zack..." he began, staring at his sharp features, his tanned skin, his warm, embracing eyes. But one finger pressed gently against his lips, silencing him. He smiled, a shy, kind smile, the smile that he had first fallen in love with. "I'm not perfect either, babe." He whispered. "I love you..."

He stepped a little closer, both arms closing around him, holding him tightly, though his body never registered the hands clutching his back or the neck he buried his face into. He was crying, maybe, no - certainly. Crying dream tears that only Zack could touch and feel, dream tears that his lover kissed away carefully, as if the only thing he existed for was keeping him close. I want to feel you, he longed to say. I want to feel you again...

And then he _did_ feel, but the feeling was agony, a sharp, biting pain in his torso, and he screamed, stiffening in Zack's arms until Zack's arms melted away and he was in reality again, shaking like mad against his sweat-drenched bed sheets with a long, silvery sword deep sinking deep in his chest and a grinning stranger above him.

He twisted, his voice dying from a pained shriek to a voiceless strain, his body in a cold sweat, hands grasping the naked blade being thrust inside him and pulling it out. His palms were instantly wet with blood, sliced open with a pain he hardly registered as he threw himself at his attacker, the two of them tumbling off the bed and unto the floor, dirtying the stranger's black leather jacket with his own blood.

"Found you!" The man sang, unnaturally bright green eyes glittering. His grin was snake-like, hateful, a waterfall of straight, silver hair spilling over his back and shoulders. "I found you, brother! You sure know how to scream, don't you!"

_The clone!_ Cloud rolled over, clutching at his bleeding torso with one hand, grappling beneath his bed with the other. His hand found the desired object, his emergency weapon - a short sword without a sheath, and he drew it out shakily, turning back to the laughing clone and raising it high above his head.

"Hah!" The man caught his wrist, long nails digging into his flesh. Cloud only tightened his grip on the sword, knowing it would all be over if he lost his one weapon. And then he felt the second stab, this time lower, around his stomach. The clone's sword tore right though him, vaugely he was aware of his back bleeding freely as it cut through him completely.

The man released him, letting him drop to the ground, bleeding profoundly. "Found you!" The clone cackled again. "Weaker than I thought you'd be! Found you! Found you! Found y-"

The word died on his lips, bright green eyes growing wide with shock. A small trail of blood forming at the corner of his lips and dripping down his chin. Cloud released his weapon at last, leaving it where it was - stabbed through the clone's pale, exposed throat.

The man made a noise of choked horror, mouth agape, blood pouring from the wound in his neck. He collapsed, laying on the floor helplessly, gasping for air. Cloud fell beside him, trying to scream for help. His throat was closing up slowly, his vision growing dimmer and dimmer. No, not yet, not now, not like this. There was a thudding in the back of his head, feet thundering up the stairs, and he saw Tifa's legs rush into the room and freeze, heard her scream of horror.

The last thing he saw was her falling to her knees.

The blackness consumed him. The silver-haired man beside him, twitching. And then the steady red flow of their blood began to fade, and they were being lifted to their feet by invisible, caressing hands. A small smile. Kind. White fingers caressing the clone's throat, healing the wound. Tears gathered in his green eyes and slipped down his cheeks like rain water. "Mother..." he whispered, and Cloud felt those hands on him next, gentle, giving, fingers tapping at his chest and stomach until the skin there was perfect again, and he felt her kiss his forehead, her slender hands soft on his shoulders. She said; "Cloud, I'm here..." And he leaned into her touch, his entire body burning with a strange, new feeling.

"Aerith..."

And then she was gone, and he was stumbling, the clone faltering beside him. He heard the distant cry of happiness, saw the clone's brothers throwing themselves at him, embracing him, kissing him, as he sobbed against them and embraced them in return. He watched them, mesmerized, like a child, entranced. And then a rush of feeling overcame him and he turned around and _saw._

He was at the beach again, the beach from his dreams. He was clothed in white, barefoot against the warm sands. There was water in the distance. The sound of waves fell over him like a spell. And then there was Zack, with tears in his eyes and adoration on his lips, and his lover's arms were thrown around his neck and his lips were everywhere on him, covering him with a thousand tiny kisses, and he could feel everything in perfect clarity.

"I love y-"

Zack silenced him with a long, fierce kiss, and Cloud lost himself in sensation, in slating the burning longing he had felt every night in his dreams for what seemed like an eternity. When he drew away, he could feel tears on his own cheeks as well, as he was sobbing with relief into his friend's arms, hugging him so tightly he thought he'd dissolve.

"I love you." he said, over and over again. "I love you, I love you, _God_ I love you so much...!"

"I know, babe." Zack whispered, tenderly combing fingers through his hair. "I know."


	19. Challenge 24: Good Night

Some people were more affectionate than others, he knew, but they all saw him off to bed as if they expected never to see him again. Marlene would kiss him clumsily, Tifa would smile fondly and squeeze his hand, even Barret would clap him on the back once. He supposed it had to do with all the death and destruction they faced - one could never feel too close or scared or even grateful. They all saw him off to bed as if they expected to never see him again, and sometimes, Cloud wondered if that meant they never would.

Sometimes, he mused as he made his way to bed, he thought too much.

Laying in bed unable to sleep was not uncommon for him now. There were so many things weighing on his mind, so many faces and words, but most of all, so many doubts. The air outside was still, as if forcing his mind to the strange point of blankness in which every thought seems to collide and become nothing and everything at once. It was times like this when he thought of Zack.

Fleetingly, Cloud rolled over in bed and wished there was someone there to kiss him.

And barely a moment later, a wind pressed against the door, loud against the window, and Cloud opened his eyes and stared at the wall seperating it from him in wonder. Then, a loud rushing sound, like the speed of something fantastically strong racing toward him, but instead of wanting to draw his sword instinctively, it only fasinated him.

It began to rain.

Cloud rose slowly from his bed, crossing over to the window on the opposite side of the room. There wasn't much of a view, and in the darkness it was just black space, but he could see the raindrops splashing against the window and dripping down, forming haphazard patterns.

He opened the window, pushing the glass back effortlessly. Immediately, the rain began to patter against his face, icy cold and sharp but somehow...somehow...

"Zack?" he whispered. "...is it you?"

The rain gave no answer. Cloud turned his head, breathing in the now full and rich air and taking in the wetness as if it were an embrace.

Slowly, he leaned into the raindrops as if being kissed.

His hands braced against the windowsill. The edges of his blonde hair were sticking to his face. He was starting to shiver, and Tifa and Barret and Marlene were downstairs and probably fast asleep, never knowing of the wind or the rain or...

"Zack." he breathed again.

The rain continued to pour.


	20. Challenge 13: excessive chain

"I think I'm..." 'in love with another man' wouldn't do it. "Bisexual." he finished awkwardly.

"Oh." Aerith said softly, then set down her vase on the countertop and sat down next to him. "I see."

He had no idea how he ended up here at his girlfriend's house. He had been kissing Cloud, as it seemed quite normal to do nowadays, and then suddenly it occurred to him that this was _wrong_ in the worst sort of way and that he was hurting Aerith far worse than he could have ever dreamed.

He expected her to get angry, or sad, or even suspicious. But instead, she leaned her head in her hands and asked; "What's it like?"

"It's...weird." He said lamely, catching a lock of her curly brown hair in his hands and playing with it idly. He loved her, but in a different way than he loved Cloud. But he loved them both, he supposed. Was that possible, to love two people at the same time? "Guys are so different from...girls, I mean. Right? They're very different, right Aerith?"

Aerith smiled gently. "You can't change your heart, Zack. It won't do any good to try and explain it away."

"Yeah." he nodded, then kissed her forehead. "I just never expected that out of me, you know?"

"Are you guilty? Your face is bright red." She laughed softly, and Zack realized that she had made the conclusion that there was a third party involved in this already. "I'm not mad!" she assured him. "You don't look as if you're planning to just dump me here and now, anyway."

God, was he ever going to buy her a bouquet of roses after this talk was over.

"Of course not." he tried to laugh too, but it sounded rather forced. Aerith looked off into the distance, then scooted closer and leaned her head on his shoulder.

"Who's the lucky man?"

"I don't know his name." he lied.

"Oh!" she giggled. "And here I would have thought you'd say it was the General!"

"The General?" he repeated, stunned. "Sephiroth?"

"Well, that was the first thing that came to mind." she blushed a little. "Don't worry about it, Zack. Whoever it is, I'm sure you'll take good care of him." she nuzzled her head into his neck affectionately. "I love you."

"I love you too." he said. Then, almost desperately, he added; "You know that."

"I know that." she agreed.

He began to weave his fingers in her hair again, lifting her bangs from her face and letting them fall again. "He's blonde." he began somewhat nervously.

"Oooh, a blonde..." she giggled.

"And shorter than me. He spikes out his hair everywhere..." Just thinking about him made a fire inside of him come to life, one that seemed rare around his girlfriend. Aerith was all flowers and kisses and holding hands. Cloud was...

Was...

"A forbidden fruit, huh?" Aerith seemed to sense his thoughts and understand them, and he nodded, his hands stopping their idle movements in her hair.

"Yeah." he agreed, and somewhere miles away, he tried to picture him, never smiling, always with that worried look on his face, that look that would melt away as soon as they were alone together.

"Something like that."


	21. Challenge 17: Kilohertz

Cloud knew something was wrong when he walked into Zack's room and saw him sitting on the bed, his hand resting on a jet-black radio's dial, tuned into white noise. He stood in the doorway for a moment, wondering if he knew he was there, wondering if he should turn around and leave, let him be alone for a while. Until he spoke - just his name, soft and simple, yet imploring, telling him to stay. Asking him.

Cloud stayed.

"When I was little." Zack said in a far-away voice, "We had this radio that sat on the window sill and played orchestra music. It was supposed to calm us, or something. I can't really remember. But whenever I was left alone, I'd play with it a little, and I found all the stations in between were empty white noise. It's kind of funny, isn't it?"

Cloud sat down beside him, resting his elbows on his knees, and said nothing. Zack didn't talk of his childhood much - at least, not seriously. This was...wrong. No, not wrong, he deceided, but different. Strange.

"One day my imagination got carried away with me." Zack said, reaching out with one hand to entwine his fingers with Cloud's. The warmth of it was comforting. "I began to wonder if there really were stations there, and we just couldn't hear them. And maybe what they were saying was really important, but we just didn't know. And it kind of scared me, too, listening to it. Buzzing. But it's kind of comforting at the same time..."

"Zack." he whispered. "What's up with you?"

Zack turned his head and smiled.

"I was just thinking...it's kind of omnious, isn't it? Like it means something." He leaned in closer, lips brushing lips, and did not pull away when he smiled, so that Cloud could feel the curve of it against his mouth. "I guess I just like to believe that there's no such thing as 'nothingness in between.' You never quite know, do you? There could be a whole other world hidden just beneath your fingertips..."

His hand slid down Cloud's chest, sending shivers up his spine.

"Voices from my childhood."

"Voices from the future." Cloud supplied.

"My voice. Your voice."

"Saying what?"

"Saying that I love you."

"They don't have to tell me. I knew that."

"I know." Another kiss, lingering. "Babe...don't ever let someone tell you the reason is 'just because' or that the static in between just exists without a purpose. You've got to find out what it means."

"What it means?" Kissing him back - lost in it.

"Yeah. The in-betweens of your life...what they mean."

Cloud clung to his shoulders, sighing as Zack trailed kisses across his throat.

"Before there was you...it was only white static."

"And...now?" Cloud whispered between breaths.

"Now, there's this." Fingers working at the buttons of his shirt. Cloud watched the fabric fall away, his white skin exposed, constrasting sharply with Zack's tan fingers.

"When you hear white noise." Zack told him, holding him close. "Remember me, and I'll come and chase it all away for you."

Cloud muttered something, something neither of them could understand. His mind was a blur, as it always was when Zack touched him. Those warm fingers stopped moving for a moment - caught. "Promise me."

"I promise."

The last bit of clothing fell away.

Tifa kept an old black radio by the window, and sometimes, Marlene and Denzel would play with the knobs and listen to the stations they liked and make faces at the ones the didn't. Their tiny hands would struggle to turn it all the way, bypassing what was inbetween, tiny sections of white static that sent shivers up and down his spine. They would leave, eventually, hand-in-hand in that cute, only half-aware state that children in love seem to possess, and Tifa would change the station back to her own and hum softly along with the music.

"You okay?" she asked Cloud once, glancing at him.

"Sure."

She nodded and glided from the room, leaving him alone. He hesitated before moving to the radio, touching the dial. Still warm from the children's hands. Life there. Life. _Promise me. I promise._ Funny what you remember and what you don't. Funny the things that come back to you, as if that memory - that stubborn memory - just refused to die. He turned the dial to the empty, scattered noise and pressed his forehead against the top of the radio, uncaring if it left a mark. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Tifa in the doorframe, hesitating, unsure if she should interupt. He didn't call out to her.

The white static filled his brain. And then, it left.

Then, there were only pleasent memories, only tan fingers and lingering kisses. Only Zack.

_I'll come and chase the noise away._

I promise.


	22. Challenge 27: Overflow

Tifa hadn't been letting him travel. She said it was for his own good, that he needed to take a break and stop thinking about more serious things for a while. The images of Aerith walking away and Zack's small, knowing wave were burned into his mind, and he wanted to follow them to that white light they had vanished into. He wanted to follow them, no matter what the cost. Maybe, he mused, that was why Tifa was so intent to keep him inside. She didn't trust him.

He didn't blame her.

- - - -

It had been exactlly one week from that day when he first felt Zack.

He had been sitting alone in his bedroom, watching the pale light seep into through the window in bars, when a sudden warmth had flared up behind him, bleeding into the room like a phantom's kiss. And while a monster had crept inside the house once or twice before while it was still under construction from Meteor, he knew at once that this wasn't a monster.

It was a man.

The sensation of warm lips on his Adam's apple was entrancing, and when the man spoke, the warmth of his tone washed over him like summer sun.

"_Oh._" The blonde couldn't help but moan.

"What's wrong, babe?"

"Lots of things." his voice came out in a toneless slur. "Nothing. Everything."

"Do you mean Sephiroth?" He said slyly. "That's all he can do is make countless guilt trips, babe, don't you worry about him."

"_Zack..._" he whispered, arching his head back into his friend's touch. It wasn't right, it wasn't real...but no one else had ever spoken to him with such tenderness, no one else called him by such pet names.

"In the flesh." Shivering, he felt a wave of emotion wash over him. Perhaps it was relief, or the bewilderment of the irony dripping from that statement, or perhaps the unconscious effect the soldier's smile always seemed to inflict on him. Or, most likely yet, perhaps it was his sanity leaving him in one single, blissful sigh.

"I missed you, babe."

"_I._" Cloud gasped feebly, feeling increasingly foolish. He supposed he had intended to say '_I missed you too_', but something had settled into his stomach that made speaking as difficult a task as detaching his own legs.

And Zack. Everything about Zack. His breath, his hands, his voice, his lips, and the _memories_, memories he was surprised he still possessed, memories he had been sure were lost along with everything else he had once had before the nightmare in Nibelhiem. Distant recollections of warm hands and warmer kisses, his name on another man's lips.

"I'll tell him to let you be, if you like." he laughed; a deep, musical sound, and Cloud closed his eyes, letting that sound wash over him like rainwater. Even now, after all this years, he remembered the way that his eyes had crinkled so delicately when he smiled so, the way he had held him during darker times, his voice still soothing, saying Cloud, what's wrong, tell me, please, please tell me.

_What's wrong? I think I'm in love with you, that's what's wrong, and you actually choose me, you actually choose __**me**__, worthless, little, good-for-nothing me, in return..._

He wanted so badly to turn around, to crane his neck just far enough to catch a glimpse of that man's perfect face. He wanted to make sure he was real. But there was always the slim chance that this was simply a work of his imagination, or his insanity taking pity on him in the form of Zack - _Lord_ - and that turning to confirm his lover's presence would snap him back into awful reality in a matter of seconds.

And then two silkly hands slipped down from his collarbone to the soft, vulnerable flesh of his abdamon and the world collapsed around him. He had drempt of this, he had lived in the past for so long - _so damn __**long**_ - and when Zack rested his head on Cloud's shoulder and allowed his fingers to roam the blonde's body

( _remember remember_ )

Cloud gasped and squirmed and spun around, no longer caring if Zack was real or not, no longer fearing that his fragile psyche may finally shatter. And when those dark, flawless eyes swam before him

( _last time I saw them they looked so empty and there was rainwater dripping down your nose and your shirt used to be black but it turned red remember remember remember... _)

something lit up in the back of his head - actually _lit up_, as if a match had been struck in the darkness of his mind and a whole new world had came into view.

He began to cry, silently, his shoulders unmoving and form perfectly still.

Strong arms held him, long, tan fingers stroking his chest soothingly, and then the familiar awe of Zack's body pressed up against his returned. It was a feeling that he had convinced himself was long gone, forever missing, forever dead - just as dead as the rest of him.

But it was so damn _real_.

He realized then that the raven-haired man was bursting with his own remembrance, his eyes were burning like darkened embers, and his hands snaked forward to clamp unto his wrists, pulling them into a surrendering position and causing the blonde's back to arch slightly.

"He's here." the dead man whispered.

"Who?" Cloud managed to breathe, squirming desperately for leeway, but if anything, Zack's grip only tightened. If Cloud didn't know better, he would have thought he could feel the bones cracking beneath his fingers. He turned grimly to catch a glimpse of his own captured hand and saw saw Zack's large, tanned fingers curled around his his wrist, knuckles blanched white and thick, dark blood dripping between his fingers

( _not my blood_ )

Zack...?

"We. Us." Zack's voice was just a whisper, warm and feather-soft. "...everyone. Everyone. Me, Sephiroth...even _her_." Cloud felt the lips against his ear part into a small smile.

"AAAAARGH!"

Blinding pain tore through his forehead, and dimly his mind registered the fact that some sort of cold liquid

( _? sweat ? tears ?_ )

was dripping down his cheek. He wiped furiously as the substance with one bleeding arm

( _? Zack was just holding my wrist ?_ )

and felt his stomach turn over with disgust and horror at the sight of a ruby-red smear across his pale knuckles.

( _? Zack ?_ )

He shook his head wildly, ignoring the throbbing ache of pain that had settled deep within his chest like a stone hand clenched over his heart.

( _?? ZACK ??_ )

His eyes glanced downward to observe his trembling body, and though he found that he had quite literally become a bundle of limbs, spread-eagle on the carpet, his mind refused to process that fact. The only words his mind could properley register were _Zack,_ _is_, and _gone._

Frowning, Cloud brought his hands to his chest, groping for further wounds, and his eyes came to rest on the thick, horizontal welts across the inside of his forearm. Blood lay half-splattered and drying across his arm, left in bizarre patterns ...just above the pink bruises on his wrists, staring up at him like phantoms.

Fingerprints. Bruises where Zack's hands had tightened over his wrists.

It was official, then. He was insane. He had completely lost his mind.

But it was only now that such a thing had begun to work in his favor.

- - - -

All desire to become follow Zack and Aerith into whatever lay beyond had simply ebbed away that day, and Cloud couldn't figure out for the life of him why. He supposed it was the sight of his arms, now - every time his eyes made contact with that sensitive flesh he simply lost himself in awe, staring at those longstanding marks and wondering.

The want for his deceased lover had faded, now, and Cloud found that it had simply been replaced with grim satisfaction, a sort of acceptance. He found himself smiling more, regardless of the fact that the smile itself seemed lopsided and deranged. He found that when he walked, his knees trembled and his head ached vaguely and for some godless reason, he was enjoying it.

He couldn't sleep anymore, but that really didn't matter. Tifa slept, and so those hours of darkness were a sure gaurentee that she wouldn't watch him like a hawk and do her best to interfere, regardless of how pure her intentions were. Unfortunately, Vincent Valentine, being the enigma he was, was even more of a hawk at night. Once or twice, they had even ran into each other during moments Cloud would have usually perferred to spend alone...and this, inevitably, lead to questions.

He had been surprised at the nerve of the red-clad man when he had first entered uninvited into Cloud's dimly lit bedroom and glanced quietly at his arms, frowning quietly.

"I don't approve." he said simply, as if he knew what those bruises meant.

"I know." Cloud sighed, running a hand through his spikes and gritting his teeth as his spoke.

"Why are you acting like this?"

"I don't need to explain myself to you." he breathed, keeping his voice low so as to not make the situation worse. But Vincent's scarlet eyes narrowed, and Cloud felt his heart jump slightly - how on earth could that man hear so well?

"There are marks on you." he said after a long pause. "It's not easy to miss, Cloud."

"_Clever_ gunman." Cloud mocked bitterly.

"Tifa's worried."

"She's always worried."

"Cloud, can't you stop this - for her sake?" His ruby eyes glittered with an unspoken emotion, and Cloud felt a sudden sense of claustrophobia settle into him.

"Well, for _my_ sake, I don't need her to know." he said, now finding himself talking to his knees. "Okay?"

"Cloud." his voice was a bell of warning.

"What?"

Vincent sighed, shaking his beautiful head. Cloud could see the first flicker of emotion cross his face - something between an adult's tolerance and a child's concern. "You need to stop."

"I will." he lied.

"You need to stop _now_." Vincent corrected himself sternly.

Cloud didn't answer, then. He didn't need to.

- - - -

"Cloud!"

Marlene's voice was always sweet, always cheerful. She was like a little winter bird, evergreen, but beneath her layer of childish innocence there was a sense of seriousness, an awareness of the cruelty of the world around her.

There were still things, however, that she couldn't understand.

"Cloud!" She chirped, tugging at his arm. "I'm _bored!_"

"Marlene, be polite!" Tifa scolded from the other room. Marlene tipped her head in Tifa's direction, frowning with annoyance before turning back eagerly back to Cloud.

"Will you play with me?" She kept her voice low this time. Cloud felt a small smile tug at his lips. He couldn't ever turn her down.

"Come on!" Marlene giggled, turning to head outside. Cloud hesitated, silently regretting leaving the house, but she only harder tugged on his arm to usher him away.

Until a sudden, sharp pain shot up his elbow. He gasped, jerking his arm out of her small grasp. She whirled on him, eyes brimming with bewilderment and worry.

"Cloud, what is it?"

And then her eyes found his forearm with a cry.

"Oh! Cloud!" She cried, her eyes filling with tears. "You have bruises! I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to pull!" Her large, bright eyes looked up at him with haunting innocence.

"You don't have to play if it hurts." She finished in a whisper.

"Marlene..." What could he possibly say?

"Cloud, um..." She moved a little closer, tugging at his hand this time. "Who did that?"

Her innocent voice stung like a thousand needles. He winced, but drew her closer in spite of this, stroking her hair.

"Remember those fights last year?" She nodded uncertainly, her hands fisting the fabric of his sweater. "All of the marks on us come from fights like that." He explained, trying to keep his voice steady. "You never want to get in a fight, Marlene, because you can really get hurt bad."

Her lower lip began to tremble.

"But you don't have to." He continued promptly, watching with relief as the attentive look on her face began to relax. "Because me and Tifa and your Daddy are always gonna keep you safe, okay?"

"Okay." she muttered, and before he could draw his arm into safe territory, she threw her little hands around his waist and squeezed in a common Marlene-style embrace.

"Love you, Uncle Cloud." she whispered, burying her face into his stomach, and then she whirled on her heels and skipped away, cheerful as ever.

Cloud stared after her, stunned.

- - - -

Tifa had fallen into the habit of brushing his hair for him when he woke up. "I've been worrying about you." she said, the bristles digging into his scalp carelessly. He winced, making a mental note to warn her about her unusual strength coming into play at the wrong times.

"I worry..." she said, and the brush stopped moving momentarily. "About where you've been."

That caught his attention. Sitting up slightly so the bristles of Tifa's hairbrush scraped at the nape of his neck, he said; "I've been right here, Tif'. I've been here for the last few weeks. You haven't been letting me travel, remember?"

She shook her head, thick hair swaying and shining in the lamplight. "That's not what I meant. I meant - where you've _been_, you know? Where you've been hiding all this time."

Frowning, he settled back into the chair. Tifa, her shoulders slumped, began to take up the task of grooming his hair again. But now she had softened...her voice, her eyes...even the strokes of her brush seemed more hesitant.

"We _all_ worry about you, Cloud." she breathed. "And I've been thinking that...your living in the past, you know? ...you're living in that place between sleeping and waking up."

She walked around the the chair she had sat him down in, her boots tapping hollowly against the tile, and she crouched down on her heels to bring her face level with his. Cloud stared silently at her tentative expression.

"Are you, Cloud?" Two white hands reached up to cup his face, the thumb of her right hand stroking his cheek slightly. "Will you listen to me just one last time?"

Carefully, as though afraid he might break under her touch, she leaned forward and kissed his forehead. Cloud closed his eyes, drawing into himself as she did so, and when she pulled away, he caught the small dust of pink at her cheeks and trembling of her lower lip.

"I'm so sorry." She said, her eyes brimming with tears. "I let this happen to you. I could have protected you. I just know, Cloud...how much you miss them. I knew you wanted to see them again, that it would make you happy. But please..."

Her dark, striking features were beginning to blur, and he only caught her last words as he retreated further into the abyss of his mind...

..."Come back to us, Cloud..."

The hairbrush lay forgotten on the floor.

- - - -

"Maybe I need to follow you."

"Don't talk like that." Zack said. Cloud had long since abandoned the urge to turn around and face him - he knew it wouldn't work. Instead, he simply sat there and let the comforting feel of being beside the one he loved fall over him like a spell. "You don't want to die."

"It doesn't matter...death...I've done all I could, so death doesn't matter."

"Cloud..." Zack whispered, and there was pity in his voice. Once upon a time, Cloud's pride would have bristled, but now he simply smiled that empty smile and decided that it was time pity came to save him.

( _I remember._ )

The bruises on his arm were beginning to fade.

"Will you take me?" he asked. "Take me away? I've done everything I could. I killed Sephiroth, Zack. I stopped him when he came back. I held Kadaj while he died. I did everything I could...so why won't you take me?"

"Is that what you really want?" the presence of him crept closer, and Cloud breathed, closing his eyes, taking it in. "To die?"

"It's not death."

Zack smiled. He didn't see the smile, but he clearly felt it, a brightening of light in the atmosphere and the distant scent of Aerith's blossoms growing stronger.

"It's not death." he repeated, and held his hand back for Zack to take. "You gave me a mark, didn't you? That's all I could think about, that mark. It's not death, Zack. It's just..."

"Just what?" The sensation of fingers brushing against his wrist made the words in his mouth stumble momentarily.

"Just...insanity, I guess."

- - - -

The door creaked open, and three strangers came in. The first, a man dressed in red with bright, glowing eyes, reached forward helplessly before settling back against the wall, covering his face in his hands. The second, a tiny girl in a gray dress, clung wordlessly to her companions side - a tall, curvy woman with dark features and trembling hands.

Cloud stared at them, a tiny smile touching his face. They were familiar somehow...he knew them, once. But they were nameless, now. And he wondered vaguely to himself if they even had names at all.

The dark woman fell to her knees and began to cry. Her hands were like spiders, spread to cover her entire face, and her shoulders were drawn tight, shaking violently with each shuddering sob. The girl at her side slowly detached her hands from the dark woman's skirt and sat neatly beside her, watching him with her bright, young eyes. Her voice was bewildered, hopeful, but somehow withered, like autumn leaves;

"Cloud...?"


	23. Challenge 30: Kiss

Sometimes it seemed like kisses could never be honest.

Kisses could be desperate. Cloud knew this from childhood, when he still used to dream of Tifa Lockhart. Kisses could be desperate, because he was always desperate around her, desperate to be noticed, desperate to be heard.

Kisses could be fake, because sometimes it seemed like the only reason he kissed a girl was because she wanted him to. Playing the role of a gentleman had it's downsides, and he knew it wouldn't be long before he stopped altogether, because deep down he admitted that he was selfish, and what he really wanted just just a friend and a lover and a kiss that was something more.

Kisses could be hurtful. He knew when he first joined ShinRa and the others found out about him and Zack. He got mock kisses on the cheek, and laughs, and even slaps and punches and sometimes fighting back got a hell of a lot of bruises, but what else was there to do but waste your time in the bathroom trying to cover them up?

But kisses were never h-

"Hey, Cloud." Zack greeted him sweetly, leaning over and kissing him briefly on the mouth. "How have you been?"

Cloud resisted the urge to reach up and touch his lips, stunned.

Well, okay. He supposed that sometimes, kisses could be honest, too.


End file.
